bother.

I am a burden.
I am a flash of recessing electricity.
I am a vase of sorrow placed in front of your eyes at all times
with a bouquet spouting negativity on each petal.

I'm sorry to be a bother.
I'm sorry to dim your lights and bind your brightness.
I'm sorry to cause a blockade to your vision by planting that seed.

I'm sorry that you can't even see it.

superfluous.

These melancholy fits make no sense.
Your happiness around me brings me up, but
Your happiness when I'm not there brings me down.

That's not fair.

It's useless trying to find a glimmer of joy without your presence,
but the fact that your light can shine when I'm not there hurts.

That's not healthy.

When did I become so dependent?

That's not me...

favorite.

This is me, mostly on the left and My favorite person, Liz, mostly on the right.



This was a lovely day.

i have a secret.

and this is it.


This isn't the way individuality is supposed to be subjected. The land of the free is encasing millions of frightened, lonely people-keeping secrets and building closets. These havens become total institutions following the desolate system rules to alter themselves.
One,These Rules control your daily are killing life.
Two, engage in standardized all activity. of
Three, follow us. This isn't formal rules and restrictions.
Four, never ever express your individual opinions. how any of this is
Five, supposed to hide.
Six,supposed to lie.
Seven, stop...be.

I would like to live by new rules:
Live Your Life (.1
Engage in selected activities (.2
Make your own rules (.3
Express your individual opinions (.4
Seek (.5
Tell (.6
Go (.7
love (.8
love (.9
love(.10
love(.11

birthdays

The singing of a happy birthday hymn struck me as
extremely ironic
as the table next to mine was holding conversations mourning death.

"the service hours will be from 4pm-7pm"

..but the line will last until 11:36.
They'll lock the doors at 3 till 12.

maybe they will wrap your arms around
the one whom only you met
with a cap and a blanket for the passing.

Oh wait, that won't be you;
that was them.

Nonetheless, let this shadow be brought into light.
Today is the 10th. The 10th is a good day to come and pass.
Today means 4 months. I am glad that I can begin to count months on good terms.
I am glad that I count on the birth of a new illumination in my life
rather than the death of an old glowing, sparkling bulb.

precious rememberance.

It's peculiar how on the worst days
and at the worst time
when I've come here to rant
and
rave
about how you are bringing me down.
You are physically and emotionally exhausting me.

I can't do this with you anymore.

You need to get out of this rut.

It's peculiar how as this filled my mind, someone else with this tiny, simple, phrase cleared it:

"we have something really rare. and i just smile so much to think how good it is we have it. i love you always"

so many things

There are so many things to be happy over.

:)

1. A lovely new septum piercing, firmly in place.
2. A lovely person filing my life with joy.
3. A lovely band, back together.

I was preparing to post another blog to a lifeless and transparent audience, then stopped. I ahve nothing to write about. I've got nothing amazing that goes on in my daily life. Maybe someday I will do something great. Maybe someday I can be one of those people who really makes a different, or at least a name for themselves. Maybe I can write everyday and see how the little details pile up like little rocks and buil me into a new mountain. Maybe I can just

watch
me
form.

Maybe someday, someone will want to know how it all came about. Maybe they can read about it here.


In all honesty, I probably won't keep with this. I may have to force myself into a lot of it.

I'll form a habit.

Best of luck,
to me.