and i thought

today would be a good day.
I thought today i could float instead of ride a roller coaster.
today, i thought wrong.


I had a manic attack, i suppose that is what they are actually called, whilst sitting in olive garden.
When those around do not know what is going on, it is funny.
I think it is funny to them? I think it is funny, to them.

To me, it is not at all.

It is not like laughing because you are in pain and it's funny.

It is rather like Satan is taking a stake and forcing you to laugh at your misery. It is like Zeus has decided to drown your body and while pulling you down causes you to laugh at your demise, forcing you to take in gulp after gulp of water.

I do not know why i feel so ashamed.

The worst part is, i often think i am having a good day, right up until the scale tips. At this point, as everything spills over, i notice it was not a good day, but a mask over my mind and an imbalance in these crucial chemicals telling me that everything is ok for one split second.

Oh, but as a lovesick castaway in this sea is that i can only ever think about you.Longing for this to be as timeless and Romeo and Juliet, i do not want to live in a tragedy. Thank you, for always turning this place into a utopia.

and also, to one with a tad more authority and a teaching role, i meant what i have said: Your presence gives me hope.

://///

you (10:55:36 AM): come on babe. its like writing a paper about my life

the life i have never had.

I am so sick of hiding.

first day of summer

and i am already bored.


buah ha hum dee dummy dooo.

little known fact number 2.

today i finished painting a bike because i wanted to feel accomplished, proud.


i liked it better when it looked old and trashy.
shiny pearl is not the same as faded, rusted red.

rain rain

it's about freaking time.

lakes.

i lie awake looking in your eyes
but they're always closed as opposed to mine
and i would look right through your eyelid skin
but lately i cannot get in

it pains me to solemnly know
that some people think you must let everything go,
but this isn't a game of catch and release,
you aren't just the only fish
you're my only sea.

and you fall asleep looking in my eyes
but they look away just to watch the time
and you would ask what's wrong all over again
but my gates go up and you can't get in.

but as long as you know all that you mean to me,
you aren't just the only fish
you're my only sea.

shapes

there are multiple types of things that stack up.
today, i am addressing pyramids, the positive and the negative.


positive pyramids have a base of

friendship

with a layer of

affection

and then

love

and continually piling up with

kisses

and

skin contact

and

hands
in
hands.

The negative, actually now that i think about it
should not be discussed right before bedtime.