Sunday, May 31, 2009

and i thought

today would be a good day.
I thought today i could float instead of ride a roller coaster.
today, i thought wrong.


I had a manic attack, i suppose that is what they are actually called, whilst sitting in olive garden.
When those around do not know what is going on, it is funny.
I think it is funny to them? I think it is funny, to them.

To me, it is not at all.

It is not like laughing because you are in pain and it's funny.

It is rather like Satan is taking a stake and forcing you to laugh at your misery. It is like Zeus has decided to drown your body and while pulling you down causes you to laugh at your demise, forcing you to take in gulp after gulp of water.

I do not know why i feel so ashamed.

The worst part is, i often think i am having a good day, right up until the scale tips. At this point, as everything spills over, i notice it was not a good day, but a mask over my mind and an imbalance in these crucial chemicals telling me that everything is ok for one split second.



Oh, but as a lovesick castaway in this sea is that i can only ever think about you.Longing for this to be as timeless and Romeo and Juliet, i do not want to live in a tragedy. Thank you, for always turning this place into a utopia.

and also, to one with a tad more authority and a teaching role, i meant what i have said: Your presence gives me hope.

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