is that tinge of pain
bouncing off the
reflection of someones eyes
when you've thrown it there, way
and it hitting you
straight through
your pupils
and sinking into your stomach
before it even hits your mind.
Sometimes i feel like you cannot see from my point of view because you believe i can do no wrong. Often, this makes talking to you about these things difficult.
I have hurt you, and inflicted pain so many times since we have met. Anything that has caused me pain is your past, is nothing you have done to me since we have met.
Perhaps you're thinking of one occasion, a few weeks ago. Maybe that was one. Only one occasion. I want that to be void.
I told you i couldn't feel anything when i touched you. I was lying right beside you, telling you i could not feel anything when we kissed. My dear, i was lying, one large fat lie after another, but my mind thought they were right. What does that make me? Misled? I am not sure either. Impaired, perhaps.
If you know something you say or do would hurt someone you love, and you do it in spite of that, what does that make you. A monster. It makes me a monster.
Sometimes, i think i subconsciously create all of these struggles at night, because i miss you so much when you are asleep. I don't want to tell you that though, because i don't want you to stay up. I hate the person i become when the sun goes down and the lights go off. The person i become in the morning sometimes too.
Absolutely.
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