"I guess I always feel sad." She said taking another sip from her glass and looking at her reflection. "I suppose talking to you does no good, though I know you will always find a certain level to relate which no one else can stand on.."
Days like these she was utmost reminded of the downward helical of emotion she was constantly barricaded in. The days where there was an abundance of joy in the air. The comical cliche days where there is that nagging, essential need for everyone to latch together in a paradisal and riant 24 hour period and take place in societies juncture that ought to come easily. The days like these were the lowest of the low. They reminded her not only of how she had better feel, but how she cannot muster up enough feeling at all to, well feel at all.
Setting down her glass and taking one more sideways glance at her own enigmatic reflection, before.
A slew and a familiar pigment rises.
Unable to view the distraught and disappointed face peering back at herself, after.
She pondered how a thin breaking of the surface can bring about this much sanity again, how tearing herself apart can bring herself back together. The calm following the storm. The ladder propped against the side of the bottomless pit. A hang dog to go with it and a new found blood guilty, pallid, model of her own yore that remains, constant.
Walking down the stairs slowly, feeling for the rail and crouching on a step she takes a deep breath. "I've forgotten what a smile really is. My lips are nothing more than a drape covering two rows of curtains; double shaded so no one ever really sees inside." Another heavy sigh, with drapes open, the bad kind. "I'm a poet to no one and I speak of my own flaws only to myself. I'm a person of caution and forethought in the most unnecessary times."
A finished walk down the stairs and a resumed position in a chair to begin a fresh ritual. "I suppose it would be better to stop narrating my life as I walk. Poetry consuming the motions, a sweep of a rose against pale skin instead of a kiss on a cheek. Either way, the converses with me are becoming maladaptive." She misses her smile, once lost, now found with an amazing grace brought into her life in the last few months. A smile with a new pull of curtains and drapes never begging to be closed...
What have we here?
- flushdeflore.
- Shhh. You've stumbled upon my biggest secret. What brought you here? How did you find the path that brought you to the woven maze in the lobes of me. You have dug deep, but i dig deeper. Welcome to my mind. No censorship, like the censorship i have had to place on my life. No guidelines to live by or write by. No one spying or telling or sharing. So remember, let's keep this between you and me, because like I've said, you've just stumbled upon my biggest secret; myself.
xoxo.
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