Dearest Darling,

i know you don't want to hear any of this,

but maybe seeing it is slightly different.

I told laura i was confused by what she said, even before i talked to you. She apologized over and over, which i got last night. She said that what she was talking about was months ago. I think she meant longer than months, but a year ago feels almost like days. I know they've been dating longer than we have by a little bit, so i know what she is talking about was then, if she was even udner the right impression in the first place. I know since we have been together you haven't gotten your old case of girl a.d.d., and it's been the same here of course, pleasantly focused.

I know this, i truly do, which is why i didn't flinch when someone told me that you told weslie you missed her or some stupid shit a few months ago. Also, i know that's why i didn't flinch before that when you said the name "Alex" in your sleep (granted i was a little uneasy, but it was gone as soon as i fell asleep). There are things that i have thrown in the trashcan before i had a second chance to worry. I'm not sure you know that, or if you (understandably) think maybe i react the same to everything. I promise you, i don't. I have even had stupid people i don't know, and i'mpretty sure you don't even know make up lies about you and other girls (one claiming something went on a day and at a time that WE were actually together). Myspace drama, lies, rumors. Why didn't i mention these things? I wasn't keeping them from you. I knew they were stupid, dumb, and they would only upset you. I saw no reason for them to upset you when they were little nothing's.

I'm sorry if keeping any of that inside was the wrong thing to do. I honestly don't know if it was, or if it was not. Maybe some clarification sometime would help, but i don't even know when you will read this.

Another thing i do know is that the only reason laura was so unwilling to give me a chance is because you don't like lindsay (so she told me). She said she was being immature, childish, and she's sorry. She also said she couldn't keep it up because she actually likes me, haha. I explained i had those first few days of liking you insecurities and never had a chance to get to know her after that, so those were the only feelings i had toward her and that i was being just as childish. Now the only reason these conversations have continued with Laura, is because we want to be ok with each other, even better, we want to be friends. We both knw that we both mean a lot to you , only in different ways, and we both knew things were weird between us, and that makes it hard for you. Neither of us want that, so we abolished it.

The conversation led to talking about old people and good names. Perhaps you would have rather had the entire thing avoided, but i hope that you would be happy that Laura and i are becoming more acquainted.


I also hope that whether you see it or not, these are the ways you are making me a better person. I would not have gone out of my way to be acquainted with laura on my own, neither of us would have. I wanted to do that, because i know she means a lot to you, and i know you are a big part of her life. I don't want to come between the friendship you guys have now.

I love you, and i would do anything, no matter how big or small, to take one teensy ounce of stress or worry or frustration away. I do everything i do with good intentions, sometimes i just have to let time make a lamp so everyone can see them.