iravatem

music was always something more to me.
it was like opening your eyes to find a beautiful white room with the widest windows after your eyes had only been exposed to the blackness of your eyelids for so long.
the light, the beauty of it all, extracts motions from your head, side
to side. every little note creates a thousand exotic butterflies soaring out of cracks in the walls straight into the room, rhythms like small marching mean across white floor boards.


if only everyone could see the pictures i see when i hear the music.
i see movies, i see facial expressions,
lost souls clinging to branches in far off forests.
broken hearts repairing themselves in chests and lungs filling with new breath.
ideas literally flowing from hands, crawling out of fingernails and dancing across paper.
scientific discoveries being made as a scientist looks up at a sky, to realize it's the lab he's been trapped in for years waiting for the one moment.


i see people alone, with views swirling around them, wind in curly hair, eyes shut, arms down but out.
i see grey skies with white lights.
i hear sighs and footsteps and emptiness.
i can feel the panic, the necessity, the steady steady flowing of those words from fingernails, even when there are no words at all.

for once, and only once in this sole circumstance i cannot explain in words what i am seeing in my head. rather than words being an escape, they are trapping me. I'm surrounded by letters and junctions that mean nothing.

It is far to hard to explain the shiver running down my arms, across my spine.

you can't even say it. you have to feel it.

These moments, these moments... i could live in them.