Friday, September 4, 2009

to be quite honest

it eats me up when you call other people bby.
when you tell other people you miss them so much, and love them just the same.

it does. eats up all of my insides, spits them up in front of me only so i can see how shredded they are.

why doe sit do this? i don't know. maybe i felt as if those names and phrases were reserved for me, and seeing you say them to someone else, and so publicly, pulls and stabs.

obviously not i love you's and i miss you's entirely. it wasn't what you said so much as the way you said it, the way you say it to me. just like that day, you used the smile you use with me and the laugh and the tone of voice i only see directed toward me.


i still hate that day. the entire day, until we sat out and talked for hours. i repress the rest of it. i know we talked bout it, but it doesn't change how i had felt before hand.
i felt like the third wheel. i felt like i shouldn't have been there.


it's not intentional, it's just instinct. you know how that goes.


i love you, we're solid. don't think for a second that i'm shaking (:

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