today was almost ok.

until i got home.
being sick all day was fine.
being alone all day was almost enjoyable (could have used the obvious presence of one).
working was necessary.
drive home was not so shabby.

coming home was another story.
drunk adults ar ento so great.
food a mess all over the counter, the table.
nothing for me to eat.
not even a vegetarian feel good meal, just bread.

oh and the real kicker?
half of my family will probably be unemployed by the month if RC's shuts down.
there goes my mother's job.
there goes my sister(who also just found out her college loans didn't actually go through)'s job.
my stepfather is retired.
i apparently spend way too much money.







although i am picking up extra hours, even spending my own money on gas will seem like a burden if my family doesn't have any money.
i have no idea what we will do.
i have the type of family, who cannot be happy without money.. it is quite sad.
i could be ok, but i could not live and see my family in torment like that.

My mother built a life from nothing, lost it all and started over again. She does not deserve to start from scratch again. I have taken for granted the life that i have always had. I feel that everything is about to change. One by one secrets are coming out, families will fall apart and relationships abolished.

I was just starting to get happy.

I don't want anything to change.