When I was weee.

When i was younger,
i wanted to be in a band
where the bass played lead
the guitar got lowww,
the vocals kept time
and the drums sang.

Still waiting.

Slumdog.

This movie was phenomenal. The soundtrack was completely form fitted for every scene. An enticing plot, sensational cinematography. No wonder it won all of those academy awards :)

I was but a panda, sitting in the breeze
minding my own business, eating my own leaves then
OH MY DEER! What do we, what we have here..
Oh my deer, my dreary dearest deer.
Oh my deer, the things that we have here and
they'll commandeer, you're antlers so i fear
that even with, you're best features missing
I'll still engage in
inter species reminiscing.

oh my word, the places that you've been and
all my words, cannot alter them and
oh my words, are filled with blasphemy but
all my words, are cutting me free, lee.

gwen stacy + nfg?!

Gwen Stacy's cover of "My Friends Over You" by NFG is totally EPIC.

www.myspace.com/gwenstacy

Bahahahaha, I love it.

Yesterday I found out I got into Highpoint.
Played a birthday party show, which was really fun.
Showed everyone how to pop, lock, and drop it.

my legs are still sore.

Came home, made food.
Went to sleep.

Here this morning, i woke up.
Consulted a wry relationship, insulted a good friend.
I'm on the computer, typing this.

The rest of the day will go as follow:

Coloring my hair.
Picking out clothes for the;
Photo shoot.
HaHa's.
Liz's, then back to my house.
Slumber party.

/end.

maybe it's a little better now.

painting does sound good.
painting paining painting.

I can't take this.


Someday, this is going to eat me alive. I'm telling you that everything is ok right now, because it is but these words are not lasting. My stomach turns inside out every time i think about it. I watch my organs fall t the floor but stand as lifeless as a statue and make no attempts to alter it.

Everything is so recycled. Recycled. Recycled.

and you don't even know it.

Do you realize that you are saying the same things? Making the same faces? Storing the same inside jokes?

You don't mean to. People say the same things. It's who people are.

This is entirely different.
How do you know it won't be the same. You say you hated every minute you spent wiht them, but you didn't at the time, did you?

These hateful prose are not what i intended. A peaceful piece of port to ship off any after emotions was the intent of this, but i can't be there right now.

I can't take this.

/rant

ps.

you (10:35:18 PM): i hope you're ok too.

me (10:35:23 PM): i am.

This is the only time I've ever lied.

Everyday i awake waiting to hear the next accusation of being a walking photocopy, or attempting to be. Scanned, printed, legs sprouted and a third dimension added. This is so false. There are no fallacies in my concepts, though yours of mine stand true. I am not hiding behind a mega-facade. I am living. I am breathing. I am simply being. Apparently, this is a crime.

To be is to be a copy. No individual may arise anymore. Oh, no no! Not from any ashes which lay on this earth, even those yet to be burned. Bear this though; if it is ashes your mind has taken to the copy machine, are we not all but burned fragments of skin when we cease?

It's so easy to forget when you are on neutral ground

that the rest of the world has guns at the ready.

ps. next year, I am so out of here. I can no longer take the hypocrisy engraved in their dimples and the ignorance etched in their lips. I am so done.

oh declaration.

i would give up my dreams for You.


Do you even know what that means?

brighter days.

I am malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.
malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.
malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.
malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.
malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.
malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.
malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.malcontent.


Why am i so unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable unsatisfiable?


all of this and and and and and and and and and and and and and and for no reason.

I need nothing else to complete complete complete complete complete complete complete complete complete complete complete complete complete complete complete me.



The piano is playing.
The guitar strings shaking along.
The lobes of my mind weaving across each other and allowing each individual sound to tag along.

I am feeling odd and transparent. No no, not quite.


Rather than invisible, the noticed and passed. Not the ignored, but the forgotten.

Longing for no place other than th epalce that is meant to be my own, wishing fo rit to step up soon enough. Musically, i crave a change.


We are so generic. We sound like everything else today. What makes us different? Nothing.

What makes us better than anyone else dreaming of making it?

Nothing.

whoa girly.

You best watch yourself.

You know what happened last time.

1 am. 10 hours until work. 26 hours until I sleep again.

I am 103lbs of bones, muscle and molecules. Stomach contents is noodles, water, and tea. Mostly just water to be honest. Lack of sleep. Lack of food. Neither a necessity.


Now, a time line of my physical appearance: (will be posted later, lol)


I can't believe how much I've changed, mostly for the better.

As Caleb Shomo says:
"dont worry about it!

the past is the past lol"

I typed this up over an hour ago. Maybe I'll just finish this later..

Valentine's Day

Hallmark Holidays are so wonderful!


Today I realized that love can be described in many ways.

My personal favorite is that love is spending all of your money on that special someone just because you want to give them everything in the world even though you have nothing.

Oh shoot, that's America. Spend, spend, spend, spend...

seriously?

Is someone really that stupid?

Does someone really think it's funny to call someone and do prank phone calls saying you are holding someones daughter hostage and raping them.


Oh the words that are flying out of my mouth right now.

LETS TRY TO GROW UP A LITTLE.

ps. fuuug you.

bother.

I am a burden.
I am a flash of recessing electricity.
I am a vase of sorrow placed in front of your eyes at all times
with a bouquet spouting negativity on each petal.

I'm sorry to be a bother.
I'm sorry to dim your lights and bind your brightness.
I'm sorry to cause a blockade to your vision by planting that seed.

I'm sorry that you can't even see it.

superfluous.

These melancholy fits make no sense.
Your happiness around me brings me up, but
Your happiness when I'm not there brings me down.

That's not fair.

It's useless trying to find a glimmer of joy without your presence,
but the fact that your light can shine when I'm not there hurts.

That's not healthy.

When did I become so dependent?

That's not me...

favorite.

This is me, mostly on the left and My favorite person, Liz, mostly on the right.



This was a lovely day.

i have a secret.

and this is it.


This isn't the way individuality is supposed to be subjected. The land of the free is encasing millions of frightened, lonely people-keeping secrets and building closets. These havens become total institutions following the desolate system rules to alter themselves.
One,These Rules control your daily are killing life.
Two, engage in standardized all activity. of
Three, follow us. This isn't formal rules and restrictions.
Four, never ever express your individual opinions. how any of this is
Five, supposed to hide.
Six,supposed to lie.
Seven, stop...be.

I would like to live by new rules:
Live Your Life (.1
Engage in selected activities (.2
Make your own rules (.3
Express your individual opinions (.4
Seek (.5
Tell (.6
Go (.7
love (.8
love (.9
love(.10
love(.11

birthdays

The singing of a happy birthday hymn struck me as
extremely ironic
as the table next to mine was holding conversations mourning death.

"the service hours will be from 4pm-7pm"

..but the line will last until 11:36.
They'll lock the doors at 3 till 12.

maybe they will wrap your arms around
the one whom only you met
with a cap and a blanket for the passing.

Oh wait, that won't be you;
that was them.

Nonetheless, let this shadow be brought into light.
Today is the 10th. The 10th is a good day to come and pass.
Today means 4 months. I am glad that I can begin to count months on good terms.
I am glad that I count on the birth of a new illumination in my life
rather than the death of an old glowing, sparkling bulb.

precious rememberance.

It's peculiar how on the worst days
and at the worst time
when I've come here to rant
and
rave
about how you are bringing me down.
You are physically and emotionally exhausting me.

I can't do this with you anymore.

You need to get out of this rut.

It's peculiar how as this filled my mind, someone else with this tiny, simple, phrase cleared it:

"we have something really rare. and i just smile so much to think how good it is we have it. i love you always"

so many things

There are so many things to be happy over.

:)

1. A lovely new septum piercing, firmly in place.
2. A lovely person filing my life with joy.
3. A lovely band, back together.

I was preparing to post another blog to a lifeless and transparent audience, then stopped. I ahve nothing to write about. I've got nothing amazing that goes on in my daily life. Maybe someday I will do something great. Maybe someday I can be one of those people who really makes a different, or at least a name for themselves. Maybe I can write everyday and see how the little details pile up like little rocks and buil me into a new mountain. Maybe I can just

watch
me
form.

Maybe someday, someone will want to know how it all came about. Maybe they can read about it here.


In all honesty, I probably won't keep with this. I may have to force myself into a lot of it.

I'll form a habit.

Best of luck,
to me.